The Tale of Sir Benji and His Rescue of Fair Anna of the Backwoods
There is an ancient tale in the yore of old
When women were charming and men were bold,
Of a knight named Sir Benji who stood above the rest
He was gallant and brave, the best of the best.
5 His white stallion helped him stand out from the crowd
He rode it with swagger, head held high and proud.
His armor shone like a beacon of light,
He was a pillar of justice and might.
He fought for the town, for every creed every race
10 But that day he was in need of a change of pace.
Adventure he craved, for more he yearned,
He sought glory and honor yet to be earned.
So he rode forth into the woods, without a care in the world
Leaving behind the town, its walls with flags unfurled.
15 He rode for days and days, traversing many arduous miles.
But he and his horse were undaunted, they rode with all smiles.
Across mountains and valleys and rivers they went
Through terrible storms they traveled, eyes shut, heads bent.
He thought he’d left the country he’d gone so far
20 No destination only direction followed by North Star.
But then one day, as fate would have it,
He happened upon a castle, one quite legit.
With towering ramparts and thick stone walls,
To conquer such a fortress would require some balls.
25 Suddenly a cry for help came down from above,
Sir Benji looked up and his heart was smitten with love.
There in the highest tower, trapped despite her resistance
Was a damsel in distress and in need of assistance.
Flaxen hair, soft skin, hot damn she looked good
30 Her name was Fair Anna of the Backwoods.
“Help, oh help!” cried Fair Anna, as loud as could be
“I’ve recently been taken hostage, against my will, you see.
Please rescue me from this tyrant so naughty,
And in return you shall receive my love and my body.”
35 Incentive received, Sir Benji blew Fair Anna a kiss
And knocked upon the castle door with gloved fist,
“What ho tyrant! I know you’re in there!
I’ve come to rescue this maiden so fair”.
The doors swung wide and out came a fellow
40 Who opened his jaws and proceeded to bellow,
“This chick is hot, as hot as can be
You shan’t win her without a challenge from me!
A duel we shall have, sword to sword, knife to knife
Are you willing to wager her love for your life?”
45 “My sword is drawn,” said Sir Benji, leaping from steed,
“Now come on, bring the heat! I’ll make you bleed!”
The combatants danced nimbly to and fro
Locked in a battle to the death as it were so.
The only sound was the clash of swords with each heave,
50 And the labored grunts as they struggled to breathe.
Both were good swordsmen, it was hard to tell who was the better,
And with each jab the bloody ground became wetter and wetter.
Finally Sir Benji had put his foe in awkward stance,
He evaded a blow and saw his one chance.
55 With a parry to one side and a hard slice to the other,
The tyrant’s body and head fell separate from one another.
Sir Benji was the victor! The champion that hour!
Now tired and wounded he ran up the tower.
He freed Fair Anna and with her in his arm,
60 They rode quickly from the castle and away from all harm.
This tale was once heard far and wide, from rafter to rafter,
And it ends, as it should, with a happily ever after…